i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
