all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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