Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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