this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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