you guys were way drunker than both of me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
