My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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