Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
