The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
