i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
