This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
