I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
