I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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