our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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