if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
