i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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