The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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