Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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