shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
