Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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