My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
