I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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