Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
