Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
