you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
