I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize