Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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