I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
