Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
