yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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