this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
