Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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