shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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