I accidentally had phone sex last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
