ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love having hate sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
