Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
