I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
