Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.