How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country