wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So much puke
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.