My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.