I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
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I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek