Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
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Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist