Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
