3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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