Ambien. No doubt about it.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
