maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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