I wish I only lived at night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
