i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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