Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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