wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
