at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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