he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
