he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
