Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
