anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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