he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
wow bdsm is so cute
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
