i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
