I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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