if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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