So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
