Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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