And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
