How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
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Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize