you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
