I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
