ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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