remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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