Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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