k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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