Will you blow on my dice?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize