I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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