I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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