It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Found your dick twin last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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