What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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