erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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