Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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