im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
