when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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