You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
